My Secret Life: An Erotic Diary of Victorian London (Signet Classics)

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There was no man servant just then in the house, one was expected soon. A parlour maid waited at table. A fine, strapping, but some what bold looking woman, apparently nearly thirty years old. She was no great beauty, but the picture of health, blue eyed and light-brown haired, fleshy and strongly built. My aunt had a favorite dog ill at the farm, cut off meat for it at our meals, and used to send this woman with it to the farm-yard directly she had done waiting. When I began to want a woman, I wondered if this woman would assuage me. Her name was Tomlin. Whilst away I arranged it, and directly on my return to England gave up a snug, quiet, illicit establishment elsewhere, and to the satisfaction of both parties. Both agreed to it, and thought it was for the best. We had no quarrel. It cost much money down, and an annuity paid still, but no one was injured, no one wronged. All interested were provided for. I wonder if this will ever meet her eyes, or if so if she will know that it refers to her. It is not probable, for neither names, places, nor initials are given, and no clue afforded; yet nothing is impossible.

I waited up stairs till I heard the servant go towards the drawing room with the tea, then I went down — and Hannah and I laughed at each other before the servant, for falling asleep. — "I thought you were going to ***," said she. The servant heard it all. "I shan't go out now," I said. — "I'll put on my slippers," and so saying went to my bed room. As I did so, something made me feel sure that Hannah would go to her bedroom, to feel her cunt, or wipe, or wash it, or piddle, or do something with it; and my bed room was just round the corner and not thirty feet from hers. bad one. I called when well at the end of four weeks or so, saw N**l*e and told her I was not angry, and that such things would happen. — But she denied most indignantly that she had caused it, she had never had an ailment in her life, some beast of a woman must have given it me, but not she.dark room, on a large sofa, after a good dinner; — and who knows what might have come off, even had I not told her of her long thighs and hairless slit. Thinking of all this I went down to breakfast. smoking a cigarette, and I a cigar, and consider whether there was wrong in frigging, gamahuching, minetting, tribadism, or sodomy. — In men frigging each other, or women doing the same, and other things. Our conclusion was that there was no harm in any of them. With that clear conscience, and aided by my imagination and by the French books and prints, erotic whims began to suggest themselves to me gradually. side of the grotto, not far from the front of the slope by which I got up to the roof. — Then he ran off. — I was frightened he would see me, for I was getting down from the roof when he returned, and I caught sight of him thru the foliage. They said a few more words to each other than I have written here, but I only heard them partially. I had not returned to England a fortnight before a domestic turn-out took place, which caused me much annoyance but led me to unlooked for pleasure.

you've had a baby." She pushed my head away, closed her thighs, and sat up laughing. — "What does it mat-ter to you if I have or have not?" "Have you?" "Yes and no — you will know more perhaps by and by, — can you tell?" I replied that I could — and indeed for a year or two past I have been very curious on this point, and many of my courtezans I have asked if they had had a child, and if they had got them to point out to me the peculiar signs of an over strained belly. — My lady however did not refuse me further inspection, but I could not see any clear signs of it, — but risking it, I said, "I see you have." "Really! you are clever," was all she remarked, got on to the bed, and soon I forgot every thing in the probing of her luscious cunt. my arm round her waist and kissed her. She gave me one without any hesitation in return, and then I took a dozen. "I don't know what Charley would say if he knew it," said she. "Neither of us will tell him," I replied and I pulled her to me, and kissed again and again. "Oh, don't," said she, giving herself up to it tho, and letting me kiss, and giving me even some in return, but saying, "Don't now, we mustn't." The headings of the chapters are now written for the first time. — They will be needful if this be printed. Now I resume my narrative.] She threw off veil and bonnet directly she was in the room. I kissed her at once. How delicious is the first illicit kiss of a pretty woman. — "I'm so glad you've come, I half doubted you." "Ah who'd have thought it," she replied. Down on the sofa we sat questioning each other, mutually curious. I dare say both told lies enough, she more, I expect, from the sequel than I — having certainly more to hide.each other, and it dropped, tho they were quite civil to each other when by chance they met. — I and B*c*n however called on each other occasionally. James had promised to marry her. One night he took her to the theatre, and then to have some drink in a house, and there he induced her to let him have her. Since then he had her repeatedly, and nearly always on the sofa in our dining room. For half an hour I questioned her and she told me all the detail, as if I were her confessor.

Chapter V My letch for Tomlin. ― An assault. ― Slight resistance. ― What's for dinner? ― Cook this. ― Sham displeasure. ― Aunt out. ― After dinner. ― My bed-room. ― Tail in tail. ― The grotto again. ― The dog's food. ― Joey's fears and regrets. ― Against the table. ― A holiday out. ― The brothel at ***. ― Complete enjoyment. ― Tomlin's widow-hood. ― Confession of lust. ― Her husband's lechery. ― No fears. ― Joey's future. ― A round of visits. To London. She told me my cousin Emily had fine limbs; of the quarrels of another cousin with her husband when staying at the Hall, of the way Mrs. *** (the cousin di- We talked cosily, then warmly. Gradually I felt her arms. How plump she was, — she did not look so plump in her gown. Really, — didn't she? Then with coquetry and pleased vanity, she showed her arm nearly to her shoulder. I kissed it. "What sweet, smooth flesh you We had dinner, and my aunt went out directly after-wards to see a friend close by who was very ill, and she took a servant to escort her. — I prepared to go out to ***. Hannah went to the drawing room, and sat on the sofa doing fancy work. It grew twilight. — "I'm going out," said I, "to D***n." "Are you not tired? I am, quite hot, quite feverish," said she. She looked so nice, that I put down my hat and sat besides her on the sofa talking with her. A slight autumnal gust rose and it grew chilly: I got close to her. She laid down her work. "Let us kiss," said I, "for we are cousins," and I put about me any longer." The man retired — crest fallen — he had been, I know, flattering himself that I would after all still keep him on as my servant. He liked me I must add. On Wednesday he left.When I saw an usually handsomely dressed woman, the charming widow of whom I have already told as laying on the bedside in silk, satin, and diamonds, came into my mind; and if her looks pleased me, I went home with that lady. — After her out door garments were removed, it was, — "Don't take any thing more off, I want to see your cunt, just as you are dressed, let me feel you. — Oh you have drawers on (sometimes). Take them off, but nothing else." Then on the bed side, I saw their charms up to their navels; then placed them, to begin with, in a lazy careless attitude on the bed, just as they might be if they had lain down to take a nap by themselves, and showing little more than ankles. Then I pulled up their clothes partially, and then up to their thighs, not even then showing their cunts; and I looked, made them roll and move about on the bed, as a restless sleeper might, and so I saw them on all sides in natural, semi-nude attitudes, I first had an adventure with the sister of a friend, which perhaps I ought never to have put on paper; but writing these reminiscences gives me great secret pleasure, writing them indeed seems to have become a habit which I cannot break off. When written, I tore the paper in half which narrated this liaison, and a year or two afterwards carefully gummed the pieces together to preserve it. — Such was my inconsistency. (The lady and her brother are, I hear, dead and no harm can be done by narrating the liaison now.) Home | MySecretLifeVol.1 | MySecretLifeVol.2 | MySecretLifeVol.3 | MySecretLifeVol.4 | MySecretLifeVol.5 | MySecretLifeVol.6 | MySecretLifeVol.7 | MySecretLifeVol.8 | MySecretLifeVol.9 | MySecretLifeVol.10 | MySecretLifeVol.11 This went on for an hour or so — I thought the little woman was light headed, or half screwed, and tired of waiting, left at last. — "Don't call again it's no use," were her parting words, but I did at about nine that They are much what society had made them, and society uses them, enjoys them, even loves them; yet denies them, spurns, damns, and crushes them even whilst frequenting them and enjoying them. In short, it shamefully ill treats them in most Christian countries, and more so in protestant England than in any other that I know.