She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

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Touch her body tenderly—romantic touches such as stroking her hair, kissing her forehead, or rubbing her feet can increase mental and physical arousal. Shortform note: Kerner’s 10-20 second estimation of the average female orgasm may actually be on the short end—longer female orgasms can last between 20 seconds and two minutes, and one study showed that 40% of women polled experienced 30-60 second orgasms. Further research shows that, as Kerner explains, some women ejaculate and some don’t—but the statistics on the commonality of female ejaculation aren’t settled—a 2017 study reported that nearly 70% of women ejaculate, while other estimates range from 10% to 50%. And while Kerner claims that female ejaculate is not urine, recent studies show that female ejaculate is mostly urine—the alkaline secretions Kerner mentions make up a marginal percentage of the liquid.) Fantasize together—talk about the things you both crave and incorporate them into your next session. For example, lingerie, restraints, candles, music, and so on. Because, unfortunately for women, as James Brown sang, “ It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World”. Which, translated in the language of sex, means much more pleasure for men than for women.

In addition to foreplay, there are two other stages of the sexual experience that will take your sex life to a whole new level. Some people refer to the clitoris as the happy maker, orgasm switch, or love button. That might make it seem easy to simply push it to give a woman an orgasm, but it’s more complex than that. You can stimulate each of these parts during sex for maximum pleasure, but you’ve got to set the stage and plan on the right acts, which is what you’ll learn next. Lesson 3: Don’t just think of sex in terms of foreplay and intercourse, it’s about foreplay, coreplay, and moreplay. Ever feel a book rambles on, giving anecdotes that aren't useful? Often get frustrated by an author who doesn't get to the point? If you’re familiar with ancient Greek plays, you’ll know that they’re structured into different dramatic acts. Similarly, the process of female arousal has a defined dramatic structure with a beginning, middle and an end.As soon as you place the first kiss upon her vulva, you break the boundary between foreplay and coreplay. Therefore, you should save this move till last. It’s a lot easier for women to have a second orgasm than it is for men. After the first, a woman’s genital area is still filled with blood, and her body remains highly aroused.

Regardless of their tremendous efforts, some women get little in return. They feel used. They get men that keep flaking out, careers that don’t feel meaningful, and possibly a body that starts to feel and look more and more tired. Did you ever notice that burnout tends to afflict women much more often than men? There’s a reason for that, as you’ll learn. Even though I felt a little awkward about this one at first, I’m super glad I read She Comes First . The thing about sex is that nobody talks about it, which means that relationships suffer from sex illiteracy and many never find out that they can have great sex or how it’s done. If we were all a little more open about these things and read more books like this one, I think everybody would be happier. Who would I recommend the She Comes First summary to?The first one you know well. The second one is the cunnilingus and it’s a six-stage procedure. The last one follows the female orgasm. And is the only stage where intercourse comes in question. Never Forget These Three Assurances So while Kerner uses the linear four-phase model to explain the female sexual response process, his explanation of the resolution stage suggests that he actually views the female sexual response process as cyclical, not linear. How to Achieve Female Orgasm Shortform note: Kerner notes that you should engage in foreplay for at least 10-15 minutes before your female partner will be sufficiently aroused, and research seems to mostly corroborate these claims. Researchers asked 152 heterosexual couples to report on how long they wanted foreplay to last and how long their foreplay actually lasted. On average, women wanted 19 minutes of foreplay and reportedly spent 11. Men wanted an average of 18 minutes of foreplay and reportedly spent 13. The average amount of time spent, 12 minutes, falls within Kerner’s 10-15 minute range.) Cunnilingus She knows how to set the world to her hand, so it seems, and some women wonder how she does it. That’s what this book is about, I’ll uncover her strategies. I’ve been studying and interviewing her for so long now that I can’t wait to share everything with you.

When you get this right, it prepares a woman’s body for sex. It releases chemicals, her skin gets more sensitive, and her breasts swell. If you’re starting to catch on you might now wonder how to stimulate the clitoris correctly. The key is cunnilingus, which is oral sex on a woman. But to get it right, you first have to understand the anatomy of the area. Since school leaves us wanting, we fall for myths around great sex. For example, you don’t have to have sex every time you and your partner are in bed. In fact, foregoing sex sometimes is a key to higher pleasure when you do make love.

Sentence-Summary: She Comes First is sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner’s guide to improving sex by emphasizing the female orgasm, explaining why changing your mindset about sex and focusing on the stimulation of the right places in the right ways can be more enjoyable than intercourse for both men and women. And if you still doubt the power of the clitoris, consider this. There are people without a vagina that still have external genitals and they can still have orgasms. Lesson 2: Get to know the clitoris, it’s location, and how to stimulate it if you want to have the best sex of your life. In reality, the clitoris is highly complex. That's why learning the art of clitoral stimulation is important. Shortform note: Kerner claims that since all orgasms come from the clitoris, you should focus on two different parts of the clitoral network to give your partner a stronger, two-front orgasm (called a blended orgasm). However, recent research disproves Kerner’s claim that all orgasms are clitoral, which suggests that there may be other ways to achieve blended orgasms. They elaborate that women can also orgasm from nipple stimulation because it sends signals to the same part of the brain that’s responsible for genital sensations. So instead of focusing solely on the clitoris, you may be able to achieve a blended orgasm through a combination of clitoral head and nipple stimulation.) We’ll dive in what to do in your romantic relationships, in your career, in your personal life, and most importantly, in your own mind.