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In and out of the bedroom, we want what we can’t have. It’s the way our brain works,” says Engle. “Any sexual relationship or act that could get us into trouble or be seen as weird or forbidden or gross in real life, can be a turn on.” Sex on a beach or mountaintop. Boning in an airplane bathroom or while wearing a butt plug. Getting it on in a park.
Avoid making your partner feel inadequate by framing this convo about what you can add to your sexual play. For the most part, someone’s fantasies are about consensual non-monogamy. Meaning, one partner has provided their blessing for the others extramarital play. Some fantasize about their own non-monogamy. S&M is about giving or receiving pain through things like spanking, whipping, humiliation, and more.What makes these so appealing? “Getting to explore and play different roles and personas can be really fun, creative, and freeing,” says Corrado. “It allows us to tap into a part of ourselves that doesn’t get out often.” Corrado says, “Really, this kind of play is about radical trust because it’s a vulnerable type of play. And that vulnerability has arousal potential.” What to do about it In long-term relationships in particular, keeping novelty alive is paramount for fighting bedroom boredom and maintaining an active sex life, says Engle. “Trying something new reignites the passion you had at the beginning of the relationship.” What to do about it
Placing a mirror in front of your bed so you can watch yourself, going to a sex club or party, or consensually role-playing Voyeur or Exhibitionist with your partner(s) may help you explore a similar sensation. Why can group sex be so hot? Engle explains: “In most folks’ multi-partner sex fantasies, you’re the star of the show. The idea of multiple people wanting to have sex with you is part of the turn on.” Sadism and masochism (S&M) and bondage, discipline, dominance, and submission (BDSM) make up the second most popular fantasy.Actually want group sex IRL? Good news. “Group sex is also a pretty accessible fantasy — you might not be able to have sex with your favorite celebrity, but you can probably find someone who is down for a threesome,” according to sex educator Cassandra Corrado with O.school.
Threesomes, orgies, and the like also create sensory overload. Think about it: There’s simply more bits, smells, tastes, holes, poles, and sounds than in a two-some or solo session. What to do about it Less than 0.5 percent of folks said cheating, being unfaithful, or committing adultery was arousing to them. What to do about it If you want to share with your partner — but not necessarily enact this fantasy — start by asking for consent to incorporate this kind of lingo in bed. Fantasies that center around novelty (incorporating a new sexual activity like anal or oral) or adventure (having sex in a new location) are common.Gender bending fantasies — in which someone explores their own gender presentation and dress, or has a partner who does Not everyone will be comfortable with changing their relationship structure, but if you do decide to move forward together, you’ll need to practice this kind of open communication,” she says. Voyeurism (watching people engage sexually without their knowledge or consent) and exhibitionism (exposing one’s genitals while others look on — sometimes with, sometimes without their consent) are the most common iterations of forbidden sex. What to do about it What’s novel or new for one person may not be for another. So the what and where between folks’ fantasies will vary. So the first step to enacting this fantasy IRL is to ensure it’s safe, sane, and consensual (SSC), then figuring out what the fantasy is, exactly, and then talking to your partner about it.
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