No Spray, No Lay!: Poetry of the Looky Looky Man

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Quietly watching your every move, the toilet attendant knows you just hoisted those tights right up to to beneath your boobs. But hey, they aren’t there to judge. In Iron Man, Robert Downey Jr's lead character is the owner of what tech company? What is the name of the company that creates Officer Alex James Murphy aka Robocop? What is the name of the the company founded by Norman Osborn in Spiderman? What is the name of the company that develops replicants in Blade Runner? What company develops the Skynet AI system in the Terminator franchise? USR are company in I, Robot that create the robots which serve humanity. What does USR stand for? Bruce Wayne, or Batman, runs a green conglomerate that goes by what name? This company procures the screams (and subsequently laughter) of children to create energy for an entire city. A novel idea, but what is the name of the company? Listen, we won't say anything if you don't... The characters are all brought to life clearly and passionately by the cast, and all got their share of laughs from the audience. But though the vocal performances are uniformly strong, the energy of the performances doesn’t really translate to the choreography of the music, with even the numbers where the extra movement is character relevant not going as far as the other characters’ reactions seem to suggest.

They are well drawn in this somewhat minimal, one hour musical, which suffers – partly as a consequence of its brevity – from not having enough of several elements. That said, the maxim of leaving the audience wanting more certainly applies here. Dobell and Dunning’s direction keeps the whole piece flowing, with the particularly successful placing of a set of hand basins, facing the audience where the mirror would be. The grey of the necessary cubicles is given a colourful graffiti makeover by @rango_edi and @painteranddecorator1. Aftershave will definitely make women want to fellate you! Dose yourself in it! Feed me pound after pound! They put up with a lot, from tirades over the extortionate price of their moisturiser, to the woes of crying drunk girls. So next time you’re in the club toilets, spare the the attendant from your rowdiness. No Spray No Lay was created by friends Kat Dobell and Lara Dunning after a night out at the ballet, a few wines and a run in with a pervy DJ. Sponsored by Bare Productions it plans to hit the Edinburgh Fringe in 2024. We were invited along to the preview/preparatory run last week in Edinburgh, with almost nine months to go to Fringe there’s bound to be refinements made but for now the cast are shining in this production that really captures the chaotic fun aura of a girls’ night out. It’s clear that there is a lot of love behind this production, from the nostalgia-fueled writing to the all-female presenting cast bringing these characters to life.

The visuals of the production are a huge asset and the use of projected photos is implemented really effectively. The audience are treated to selfies of the actors as characters take them on stage, using photos to punctuate punchlines and an assortment of photoshopped pictures projected to let us know when we’re speaking to somebody outside the nightclub, or referencing a trip abroad. It is used just enough to keep the audience on their toes, but not too much to be lazy storytelling, and it added to the 2000’s MySpace-crazed atmosphere, which otherwise could have been amped up even more. When it comes to accommodation in Scotland, there's a fantastic choice of amazing stays from luxury hotels to glamping getaways. As far as I am aware, this list is absolutely comprehensive, which indicates exactly how constructive my life has been for the last two years. I dedicate it to the Toilet Men of London Town… Very little results, I did still succeed in pulling (despite apparently smelling like piss) but alas I did not succeed in convincing my conquest to leave for the night with me.

Invariably, you’ll find a poorly paid man who invites guests to wash their hands, provides soap and even turns the taps on and hands you paper towels. With their array of hair products and Chupa-Chup lollies, the benevolent toilet attendant waits to give you the spray you need to get your lay. The setting of the ladies toilet in a nightclub is not a new one, of course. Notably, Adura Onashile used it to great effect in her 2016 play Expensive Shit, set in nightclubs in Nigeria and Glasgow. Although more superficial in intent, No Spray No Lay has a similar ability to engage with gender dynamics, the perceptiveness with which it does so, certainly helps the comedy. If you want to get involved in the world of tech, why not apply for the Vodafone Graduate Programme? Applications are open for September 2022 and more information can be found here. The creators have expressed their wish to take this to the Fringe and this very much suits the Fringe format with the running time, easily communicated concept, big gags and a cast of characters (and performers) one recognises and are happy to follow for one more night.No Spray No Lay is a new original musical following the highs (some literal) and lows of a ladies’ club bathroom in 2005, complete with an all-female presenting cast, original bops and a sweaty glittery heap of nostalgia. Although, when Jane has had enough, Harris really lets go with the musical’s biggest tune, My Time to Fly, which she does in brilliant fashion as Jane comes out of her shell and, with a couple of drinks down her, proves as lecherous as anyone else. Harris works the audience superbly, even getting one of the unsuspecting men up on stage, for what turns out to be the musical’s pivotal sequence which brings the two pairs of girls into proper conflict. best comic lines Ishbel Shand’s domineering mother, reluctant to let her innocent daughter marry, is pitched just right. Lynn Holmes gives daughter Matti an openhearted charm, while Judith Petrie is convincingly grounded as neighbour Edith. Murray Petrie turns in a fine comic performance as the ageing, hard-of-hearing ‘Dad’. cleverly paced

Some of them are, understandably, miserable as sin. Others, bless them, are a little more upbeat, and before sometimes breaking into full blown chorus, often chant some of the following creative lines to encourage clubbers to wash their hands after touching their penis. The second piece, Doggies by Jean McConnell, has more of the air of an extended sketch, but the twenty minutes simply flies by. Simpson directs this time, and the pacing is spot on. real comic talent The Welsh setting that is an integral part of the play is somewhat inconsistently evoked, but the direction of the piece (by Simpson again) is well considered and cleverly paced. There are undoubtedly some intriguing things about the play – not least the way that the dreaded undertaker who has set his cap at Matti is a definite presence despite remaining offstage. Hannah Childs is great fun as Laura, who is super-confident that everyone loves her and that she is the centre of all their worlds. Ruth Harris holds it all in, as her pal Jane – who largely seems to exist to hold Laura’s handbag.

These lavatory attendants, as they are probably officially known, also offer a range of designer fragrances in the belief this may help male guests attract a mate for the night, and expect to be rewarded with a coin or two for their efforts. And they’re also supposed to make sure nobody does Class A drugs in the cubicles – unless you make friends with them in advance and offer them some. Apparently.

At hand with tampons and hair gel, these master entrepreneurs will barter until you’ve settled on an outrageous price for a few Polo mints, all the while passing you paper towels to dry the hands you’ve just vommed on. Ruth Harris shines as Laura’s pushover best friend Jane who begins the night too insecure to enjoy herself, but eventually lets go. Harris shows off stunning vocals and handles the audience participation aspect well, though Jane’s character arc could have used a little more nuance – currently it relies on her self-worth being fixed by having sex with a man (as hilarious and well-done as the onstage moment is it’s a little one-dimensional). The two-person ensemble might be an odd choice but works perfectly for the setting and are used effectively to support the main characters and add to the comedy. The whole piece is great fun, performed with no little gusto and devilment, and oozes potential. There is plenty here to make the prospect of its development and return at EdFringe 2024 a welcome one.Same dosage as last time, slight change of venue from the usual nights out to a house party environment. Ended up staying the night. RESULT. It is rare to see performers who can provide genuine and sustained laughter, and ride it without ever succumbing to the temptation to talk across it. No Spray No Lay has the potential to become the ultimate girls’ musical – boppy original tunes, an array of 2000s outfits, and a display of some of the most universal yet often private aspects of the female experience. One to keep a glitter-shadowed eye on! Discover wonderful wildlife tours to book and experience in Scotland, including bird watching safaris, whale watching, farm tours and much more!