Oh My Goth: Jokes for When You Feel Dead Inside

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There were a couple of jokes that came up over and over again in the comments, which plenty of Scousers will have heard them before. I like to be a smartarse as much as the next dude, but I am also mortally afraid of coming over as a hipster when I do-neatly demonstrating my above point about subcultures and stereotypes. Why did the gothic gardener only plant gloomy flowers? Because he wanted to create a space that was simultaneously hauntingly beautiful and colorfully morose.

I asked the gothic chef if he could make me a sandwich, and he said, “I only deal with bone-appetit meals.” What's the difference between a lazy overeater and a flirtatious emo? One is Sloth the Gluttonous the other is Goth the Sluttiness. What’s a goth’s favorite type of poetry? The ones that don’t rhyme, just like their sense of fashion. A goth was walking through the cemetery when they saw a skeleton playing the violin. The goth said, “That’s the most metal thing I’ve ever seen.”

The witch tried to have a garden, but she couldn’t make the mandrakes grow because they always had root canal issues. I used to wonder why my history teachers loved to teach about the Roman Empire so much. I think I get it now. They both hated vandals and goths. Over their career, they would build on the more romantic, affected form of goth, which culminated in the ballad ‘Butterfly on a Wheel’, but long before that, they were producing more raw works that ranged from ‘Serpents Kiss’ to ‘Severina’. However, the pinnacle of their early period is ‘Wasteland’, the opener of their debut album God’s Own Medicine.

The gothic therapist told me to stop being so negative, but I assured him that bringing light into the darkness is my specialty. Goth #1: I'm so Goth I got a tattoo of Celtic knot work starting at the top of my head, winding all the way down my body, and trailing five feet behind me on the floor. This is one of those flash points in music history; there is before “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” and there is after. Bauhaus took the expansive atmosphere of Dub and turned the lights off. Only a bare minimum of instruments guide us through the darkness (with what sounds like a single, lit candle, of course). It’s nine minutes of simmering tension, which never quite boils over, but instead leaves the listener profoundly unsettled, just like the best horror movies. “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” truly was the blueprint: vocals oozing morose melodrama, guitars scratching at their insides and bass lines grooving to something much darker than the “Monster Mash,” and the atmosphere of that moment right after an act of incredible violence, silence so loud it’s unbearable.– Ben Cohn The gothic gym instructor told me that I need more exercise, but I think my obsession with darkness is enough to keep me in shape.

I'm so goth...

Gothic Bliss Records (Gothic Bliss combines the dark aesthetics of gothic culture with a positive feeling) Why did the gothic poet always write in rhymes? Because he wanted his words to “resonate” through your bones. Gothic Weddings: For those who dare to be different, gothic weddings are a fantastic way to celebrate love with a dark and romantic twist. Goth Memes is pretty much the largest Facebook group for piss-taking images of Goths and from Goths, and if you’ve found a hidden gem, you can submit your own too. The gothic fashion designer created a collection that was both painfully dark and delightfully bright.