Lick Like a Lesbian

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She adds, 'As much as this sounds like it might be painful, with lots of lubrication and being careful, it can result in a feeling of fullness without pain and be very satisfying. It's easier than ever to get tested, with home STI kits - like these from Sexual Health London - that can be sent to your home free of charge. If it’s your first time having sex with a woman or someone with a vulva, Dr Bisbey says you should treat it like you would having sex of any kind for the first time. If you're having anal sex of any kind, be sure to use an anal specific lube as these tend to be thicker and longer-lasting. Also known as manual sex, fingering is a term used to refer to when someone stimulates the other’s vulva, clitoris, vagina or anus using their fingers or hands.

Dr Bisbey says to lower the risk of transmission and to have safer sex, ‘use dental dams for oral-to-genital or oral-to-anal contact. For people with a vulva having sex with another person with a vulva, sex can be mutual oral sex,’ says Dr Lori Beth Bisbey, a sex and intimacy coach and psychologist for Ferly. However, if you have a vulva and your partner has a penis - although they identify as female or non-binary - you will still need to use condoms or some form of contraception like the Pill, implant or coil (IUD).She says, ‘lots of kissing, erotic massage and BDSM play (spanking, flogging, restraints and blindfolds)’ can all be part of a queer person’s sexual repertoire. One partner wears a harness in which a dildo is placed, and this is used to penetrate the other person’s vagina, mouth or anus. So instead of using the term lesbian sex, we should instead be referring to it with a more inclusive term, like vulva-to-vulva sex, sex between two women or people with vulvas, or even just queer sex. They can be placed over the vulva or anus during oral sex to create a protective barrier and reduce the risk of STIs.

While sex between straight, cisgender male and female couples has traditionally been defined by penetrative penis-in-vagina sex, this is fortunately changing. Dr Bisbey is keen to point out that it's not genital-to-genital or genital-to-mouth contact that constitutes sex. In truth, some queer people love scissoring and do it regularly, others say it doesn’t work for them and it’s not part of their sex lives. Many STIs can be passed from vulva owner to vulva owner - via oral contact, digital contact or sharing sex toys without cleaning them,’ Dr Bisbey explains.

While not all vulva-having people enjoy penetration or using sex toys, sex with a strap-on is normal and common in queer sex. While transmission is less likely during oral sex than during penetrative penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus sex, there are still many STIs that can be passed on. Using a good quality, pH-balanced lubricant not only makes sex more pleasurable but also reduces the risk of injury or soreness. After using them, either wash them with warm water and fragrance-free soap or with a sex toy cleaner. When engaging in fingering or fisting, Dr Bisbey recommends wearing gloves as this can reduce the risk of STI transmission.

Two cisgender women or vulva-having people in a couple do not need to worry about unwanted pregnancy. If you have masturbated and spent time exploring your own body, use the knowledge you have gained of what feels good to direct your partner.Part of the reason so many of us are unsure about how sex between two vulva-having people works, is because sex education is very heteronormative (meaning it focuses on straight/cisgender male and female couples and penetrative penis-in-vagina sex). So here’s what you should know if you have a vulva and are having/planning to have sex with another vulva-having person. You cannot make assumptions about what people will like sexually based on what kind of genitals they have.

We know not just women have vulvas and vaginas (some transgender and non-binary people do, too), and that not all women and people with vulvas who have sex with other women and people with vulvas identify as lesbians (they may identify as queer, bisexual, or pansexual, for example). There are many harmful myths surrounding vulva-to-vulva sex that are steeped in ignorance, homophobia and stereotypes that it is important to unlearn. If you're using sex toys or condoms, be sure to choose a water-based lubricant (as silicone and oil-based lubes are not all compatible with condoms and can compromise the effectiveness). Whether you're in a monogamous relationship or have multiple partners, it's important to get regular STI tests.

If you’ve ever watched lesbian porn, you could be forgiven for thinking scissoring is all women and vagina-havers do when they have sex with each other. Just like with sex that involves people of any gender, the definition is fluid and depends on the individuals. Hearst UK is the trading name of the National Magazine Company Ltd, 30 Panton Street, Leicester Square, London, SW1Y 4AJ. Netdoctor participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.